For the love of a Nuggle

There are so many things I am loving about this stage in my life!

a) Ryan pulling me in for a big sloppy six month old kiss.

b) Grady requesting a 'Nuggle' almost every time he wakes up.

c) Both boys still thinking their momma is the coolest lady around.


Sigh. My heart is forever gone.

Birthday Boy

Grady,

Well my little buddy, you turned two yesterday. As the day approached, I couldn't help but think back to those days and moments that led up to your arrival. We were so excited and yet so scared. We didn't know what to expect, but were so ready to move through that process with you.

Your first cry sounded at 5:42 pm, on March 4th, 2008.



You were so loved right from day one. You filled a place in our hearts that we didn't even know was empty. You showed us how to love in a way we never knew was possible. And you have given us more happiness then we could ever have imagined. You are (and always have been) light to this world. You are so charismatic, and seem to have the ability to draw people to you and make them feel happiness. You have a gift, and I can't wait to see what God does through you and that gift.

At two years old you are hilarious. You say the funniest things and are always making me laugh. You love trains, trucks and tractors. You can say almost anything, and you'll try to say even the things you can't. Just tonight you looked up at me and said "Mommy, I excited!". When I asked you why? you said "For heep in Jeep... uh jeep in jeep... uh, SHEEP IN JEEP! YA, SHEEP IN JEEP!!!" (Sheep in Jeep in one of your favorite stories right now :). You love to be read to, and you love dancing. Mommy tries to show you some killer moves, but I secretly hope that by the time your dancing at your Jr. high dances you've got some cooler moves of your own. You love to sing your ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle, Ba Ba Black sheep and the occasional Taylor Swift song. You like to point out things as we drive, and I am pretty confident that you know the location of every horse, tractor and barn all the way between our house and a 30 minute drive in any direction. Even though there is a fine line between your hugs and your head locks, you are a great big brother. You are without doubt Ry's favorite person. You can make him laugh like no one else. You have a very strong temper and are not immune to 2 year old sized tantrums. And you are plain and simply great. I love who you are, just as you are and always will.

My hope for you Grady is that you have a happy life. I pray that you grow to be a confident, kind and compassionate boy. I pray that love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness and faith flow from you. I wish you would never feel pain, but since I know that is not life, I pray that you will have the strength to feel it, grow from it and move forward a better person.

We love you Grady. I have loved being your mommy for the past 2 years, and I can only imagine the joy and the journey that is still to come.

For good measure - here's a look back at your arrival and our early days with you! (p.s. Ryan's is in progress!).

Cutest. Boys. Ever.

Yup. Ever.

Choices

I decided today that I am going to be making a big change in my life. I have decided to make a CHOICE to move forward and forgive things/events that have hurt me in the past (even if they don't realize it or care). I had an 'ah-ha' moment today when I realized that I had been letting deep scars burden me down and hold me back and because of it I was becoming an bit of an angry and easily hurt person. So I choose to lighten my load, give it to God and move forward freely.

What does that mean for me? Well, I guess one thing is that I am choosing to open my jaded heart to the church again and allow myself to get not only involved but possibly attached. I know that I might get hurt, but I am willing (for the first time in a long time) to take that chance.

Second, I can choose to be easily upset, or I can choose to accept people as they are, forgive and live freely.

Finally, although I know I will still be very selective about who I allow into my personal life, if the opportunity comes along for me to be vulnerable and honest with people in my life I will try my best not to hold back. I know that there are very very few people who I trust with my feelings and because of that I think I have closed doors on relationships that could have made a big difference in my life. After evaluating who in my life helps make me a better person, I'm going to do my best to actually be a friend.

With that said, I'm excited about this new me! A few years ago I decided that my resolution for that year was to surround myself with good things. I realize now that I was so focused on the things I couldn't control, I overlooked the work I needed to do on the inside. So this year I resolve to lighten my heart and choose happiness and peace.

Boys and their Boogies

Grady and I have this little routine that melts me heart daily. I say "I love you buddy" and he replies with "Very (or berry) Much". I don't really know how it started, but I love these moments.

For the past few days, G-man has been feeling a little blue. Nothing major, just a little bit of a temperature and overall yuckiness. He woke up from his nap yesterday and since Ryan was still asleep I grabbed the opportunity for a Mommy-Grady snuggle. We were laying there all cuddled up on the couch, when I say "I love you Bud". He smiles, looks up at me and says "Boogies mommy". Then busts out laughing.

Sigh. Is it strange that even his boogie comments still melt my heart??

2 under 2

Now that I am officially a momma of two under two, I often find myself being asked how I'm coping. So here's my thoughts on how we're coping? Well, it is obviously busy. But the truth is life felt busy before I had two. Heck, it felt busy even before I had one. Its just busy in a new way, which I for the most part expected. Team bum changes are a common everyday occurrence. Feeding them is also very time consuming. I feel like I feed one, then the other, then the other, then the other... you get the point. But we seem to find time for most things and are managing. Maybe even doing better than just managing :D

One thing that has surprised me is how much more guilt I have this time around. I feel this mostly when I don't 'feel' like i have it all together. There are the inevitable times when I am doing one thing with one, and the other needs me - but since I am only one, I can't do it all. Say I'm nursing Ryan and Grady wants to be read to, or say I'm making Grady lunch and Ryan is happily laying alone on the floor again for the third time that day... and other such situations. I keep telling myself that my kids aren't the first to have to share their mommy, but it still bothers me sometimes that I can't do it all.

I've also been surprised at how much more lonely/isolated I feel this time around. With only one child, we were incredibly mobile. If we were bored, we'd whip out and go do something. We swam, we signed up for music classes, we had lot of play dates, we cruised the mall... basically we had the freedom to do whatever and still be home in time for naps and meals. With two in tow its simply not that easy. I've been trying to fill the gap by finding programs that are possible with two and that are closer to home. But still, I feel a bit of a void in this area, and am finding that making meaningful connections with other mom's in my area is difficult. But I'm trying, and hope that with the spring comes new life for us in this area.

Overall though, the answer the question 'how are you doing' is very positive. Even on a bad day, I still feel blessed every time I look at my little men. They are light in this world, and I know that I am lucky to be witnessing their growth daily. Sometimes when I sit back and really watch them I am blown away at their potential and the possibilities they have to change the world.

Well its currently 9:45 and we've been working on getting Ry to sleep for around 2 hours. SO, I better call it a night and go rock my little man some more.

Eight Months Later...

As per usual, time has flown by without me realizing. I am officially the worlds WORST blogger! Ah well, I've been busy to say the least.

So what has the past eight months brought the Falk family? We are no longer a family of 3. Our little family grew by 25% on September 24th, 2009 at approximately 8:35 am when we welcomed Ryan Daniel into this big world. He weighed in at 8 pounds and 14 ounces, and was 22 inches long.




Three full months later he is an amazing little fella. He started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks, and other than a few off nights he still gives us plenty of sleep at night. We've nick named him Mr. Mello because that is truly what he is!
he's currently working on learning to roll and holding his head up for long periods of time. Big BB (Big Bro) sometimes loves on his LB (little Bro) in a very sweet and amazing way, sometimes is apathetic towards him, and other times loves a little too hard on him. I have to say, watching the relation start to develop between them is one of the most amazing part of welcoming #2 into the world.




In other news... wait.. what other news. Sadly its ture. 99.99% of our time is taken up with parenting our two under two! Sigh, its great though. We really do know just how lucky and blessed we are to have everything we do. Even in times when things feel tight, we look at our two little men and know that we are the luckiest grown ups in the world. Life is good!

I do have some fun Christmas stories - but they will have to wait until another day. Until then, as my new banner says - be happy for today.